From the Garden State.... to the Golden Gate

We're here.

2011-10-25T13:48:00.000-04:00

Today marks day 25 in California. They've been a blink. I'll give you the quick bulleted list of week 1.

Oct 1, got on plane and headed on out. Saying goodbye was ridiculously hard... so we didn't! We just snuck out in the morning and said see you soon. We landed in San Jose around 11. Our flights were nice and easy. Girls were sooo good.
Got our rental car, checked into the hotel (will review in another post), and decided to hit the road.
Drove up to San Francisco to see the Golden Gate Bridge.. at which time my phone proceded to die, with no charger. :( Was lovely, but didn't drive over. Will have to make another trip out. We didn't "see" much of San Francisco at all.
Went for a quick visit to K's cousin S. He and his wife live right in the heart of San Fran. Was great to see "our people" on this coast. Made us feel not so alone. We were all so wiped out from being up since 3am Right Coast time that we only stayed for a quick visit. Got stuck in some serious traffic, but finally got back to the hotel.
Monday K had to get right down to it and get to work. Was a long week for him.. and us.
The girls and I spent our time driving into San Jose, over to Mountain House and Tracy (setting up school, utilities), really just getting lost so we could figure our way around.
One major bright spot in the week was meeting up with an old friend, but I'd like to save that for a separate post!
Hotel life for a week while not being on vacation, no so much fun. You'd think it would have been nice, but there is only so much time you can spend eating fast food, chain restaurants and wandering around aimlessly. We were DONE.
Friday, October 7, finally got our keys to our home!

So the overall of our first week, BLUR! Almost felt like wasted time. It was good to get our bodies on CA time before having the kids head to school. But it was long as K was working most of it, the girls were done driving to no where and we just wanted to get our life started.

Surprise... we're moving on up!

2011-09-29T22:50:00.000-04:00

Well maybe not such a surprise if you know us. We got word September 1 that the contract we'd been waiting to hear about for 8 months came through. We will be in California October 1... less that 48 hours!

We've been insanely house hunting (check), packing (check), hotel reserving (check), and everything else you have to do to get your family moved 2999 miles away. Almost all goodbyes have been said, the last box is awaiting packing tape, and our family is poised to start out anew in the in the Golden State!! IMAGINE?!?

I should have updated more, but I will get on the ball and document these last few weeks once we get there. Being we will be there wayyyy before our furniture and car, I'll have nothing but time on my hands to get us up to speed.

Wish us luck, we are on the move!!

The "C" word

2011-09-16T17:05:00.000-04:00

It was a long, yet nonexistant, Summer. We certainly had our share of hardship and worry.

Most important, and worrisome, was my mom being diagnosed with lung cancer in July. Now, can I say it was a shocker? No. She's smoked multiple packs of cigs a day for her entire life. She has severe COPD. None the less, it doesn't lessen the blow. Fortunately, I was able to fly down to be with her for her first cycle of chemo. Besides a few (very scary) bumps in the road, she doing ok. Mama has now finished her third cycle of chemo and has yet to be sick. She has her good days and bad, but is steady moving forward trying to "live" with cancer. We will have a pet scan very soon to see how she is progressing. Prayers are always welcome.

The one thing that has gotten to her is the hair loss. K saw some really funky visors that had spiky hair coming out from the top. Mom has a great sense of humor so we are sending that to her. Anything for a laugh!

no new is good news?

2011-07-08T17:12:00.001-04:00

Heard that saying before? Well it isn't always true. Board meeting yesterday, no news on the contract. Joy. The wait rages on.

ebb and flow

2011-07-06T13:05:00.001-04:00

That would describe our emotions. One day we are praying to hear news that we are moving. The next day praying we will be staying right here. Today is a stay here day. I'm concerned about the boys and how they will handle paying for the house expenses. I'm concerned about the bean starting intermediate at a new school, in a new state, knowing no one. I'm concerned about T leaving her friends behind in her last year of intermediate. I'm concerned about coming up with the money for a deposit and rent. Worried about our credit in doing so.

Just a lot of worry.

We should get word soon. One way or another. This has got to end.

In our now world:

Kids are doing good. Summer is in full swing and we haven't come up to breathe yet. Looking forward to finally getting to the pool, the beach.... summer nights in the back yard.

The bean graduated elementary with a ton of certificates. She had a very successful elementary school career.

T did much better on her final report card this year over last year. It was a good report! She is going to be one of those stinky 8th graders that she always hated next year! I'm looking forward to dress shopping, even if she already has a dress!

J is great one week, horrible the next. No word yet on the job opportunity. Praying to the GODS!!!!

S and E moved into the basement. So far, so good. We've not seen them much as we were back and forth between here and LBI. Home now and seeing how routine all settles in.

K has quit smoking for over a month. I'm soooo proud of him, I really hope he stays strong. Lord knows it isn't easy with all of the job stuff hanging over his head.

Me? I spend my time still analyzing every second of every day and how will we make it if we move. Work has been slow but it's also been a PITA with new paperwork and such. Seems the slower we are, the more downtime someone else has to create more rules. That would be one major pro for moving!!

So that's us in a very quick wrap up. Hopefully my next post will be the one about which direction our life will be going.

Will the anthem be Jersey Girl or Do You Know the Way to San Jose?? Hopefully time will be telling very soon.

July 11

2011-05-26T09:52:00.000-04:00

That's the new date to find out now. Supposedly. This sucks donkey balls.

Thankful for 5

2011-05-24T10:04:00.000-04:00

It's a bit since I sat and thought about what we are thankful for. Been spending lots of time worrying and waiting. Time to regroup.

1. an opportunity for J that we pray happens!! *fingers crossed*

2. T turning 13. So fun being the parent of a teen girl.... so far!

3. Feeling the love for where we live again. Gotta love the Jersey Shore when Summer arrives.

4. Being in a good spot with all of my kids. Life is so much better when you aren't stressing over what is going on with your children. Enjoying the time we have right now to breathe.

5. Most important, at this time, how strong our marriage is. It makes me happy, keeps me grounded and lets me feel that no matter what comes our way, we will be just fine.

*Bonus. The sun just popped through the clouds, I saw it.

F me, seriously.

2011-04-26T17:57:00.000-04:00

So we had a bit of news from xyz company today. First, I thought great, good to touch base. After my husband taking over an hour to relay info to me, it comes down to our wait possibly being even longer. Maybe late June/Mid-July... but at that point who the fuck knows?!? Maybe they will delay again. Maybe they will never make the change. Maybe they will say, hey why don't you fly out again around December and ruin another Christmas.

A rubber band snapping, that's what I'm about to be. Thank GOD for prozac.. and Coors Light.

Breaking point

2011-03-28T15:38:00.000-04:00

I think we are all at it. We need to know. Time is flying by, and dragging at the same time. We are going crazy. Can't make any plans and it is so frustrating.

We want the decision made. One way or the other. We want our life to move on.

The unknown is absolutely killing us. Looking for houses in unknown areas is killing us. The whole thing is on our last nerve.

About to snap would be the supreme understatement.

I WANT TO BE A CALIFORNIA RESIDENT YESTERDAY!!!!

Four days...

2011-03-15T21:21:00.000-04:00

That's how long I lasted off of SN and FB. Four very long days! Well three if you count the one time I checked in on a dear friend in Japan. I'm an addict, no two ways about it. With zero work, no one to hang with during day, what else is a girl to do??? Torture, that's what it was. Pure torture! I'm just not a good "quitter!"

And on another front, we've been told we are now on the "it's not if, it's when" about the job. *Breathe* Imagine?!? Can't really talk specifics about it as the talks are now behind closed doors. Soooo, hopefully in the near months I will be able to give an exact answer. God knows I'd like to be given one. Lord have Mercy, the girls are even on board now.

Do you know the way to San Jose??? I'm sure hoping we are going to figure it out!

Day One... Done

2011-03-10T07:54:00.001-05:00

How many times did I pick up my phone to check in yesterday? Far too many to count! Holy addiction! But I quickly remembered and put my phone back down. I did read the news more times than I'd care to share. Feeling like this is a bit of self torture!

Last night, I did find my book to read. I had preordered Dan Brown's, "The Lost Symbol" so that I would have it th first day it was released. That was a few years ago and I finally started it last night. T and I cuddled in my bed, she reading "My Sister's Keeper." was so nice.

So today's plan of attack, shower, work (if you call serving 3 papers work), then back home to dive back into my book. And, of course, a break for my new addiction, "Real Housewives, New Jersey." I am HOOKED!

Lent

2011-03-09T07:59:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I was asked, along with everyone else on a message board, what we were planning to give up for lent. Before that moment, I hadnt even thought about it. Immediately I knew the right answer.

Last night K and I went out for a ride. We just wanted a few minutes kid free. On our way, he ran into the store. When he came out he got into the car and exclaimed, "Dorknet again!" Busted! Yes, once again I was checking my beloved message board. He proceeded to tell me how he hates it because I spend all day long checking it on my phone.

He is right. I always have my phone in hand, just as I do right now. When it isnt in my hand, it is definitely within arms reach. It's the last thing I look at at night and the first thing in the morning. I saw it as an improvement, as I used to be planted in front of my computer screen.

We made a promise last night not to go on, and him not to watch tv. But then there he was on his trusty blackberry, checking away. But he has the excuse of work! Anyway, I gave in on the tv.

But after that is when the lent question was posed. Dorknet and Facebook are being put on hiatus. I randomized my passwords before going to bed last night. I also deleted them off my phone, as well as twitter, which I only recently started using again anyway. Will I make it until Easter? Don't know, but I am taking a break. I keep saying I have no time to read, I will now. Will I go insane? Probably!

Another ride on the roller coaster

2011-02-28T13:28:00.001-05:00

A month ago, I posted about our gut instinct on the job front. Mid-month still feeling the same way. Last week, can of worms completely reopened. K got a call catching him up to speed on the contract talks. Also, that the person they were going to have be his proposed supervisor, isn't going to work out. So they are putting K in that position. Again, the if we get the contract and such.

This weekend, another call. Company is out in California, things are looking really good. Revamping all resumes. If all goes well, K will be two positions higher than he is now at his current company. Exciting and scary.

But still, it's all contigent on all the stars aligning. And we wait again.

May 5. It could either be the best birthday ever for me, or the worst! OR a combo of both!

Random happenings, the novel Part 1

2011-02-28T12:40:00.002-05:00

Today is the last day of February, the shortest, longest month of the year. I'm sitting here reflecting back on what we've done over the last two weeks. At least I'm trying to remember! Life has been pretty ho-hum with not much going on. So lets see if I can piece two weeks of life together.

The girls had a 4 day weekend for President's Day. O and H had been fighting like WWF wrestlers. The bickering is constant. We had H go home to her Dad for the weekend so we could have a much needed break. we really needed some core family time with the girls. We had planned to go to lunch with K by his job, but that had to be cancelled. L went to the park with a friend. T and I hit the beach. It was a beautiful 70* day in mid-February, such a gift. We went to the Shore Store and to the MTV Jersey Shore house. We then went out on the beach and walked the boards. It was nice to have one on one with my girl. It's a rarity.

L and K got home and we hit up Cinco de Mayo. It's my absolute favorite Mexican restaurant, and is only 5 minutes away. You'd never know what a treat you are in for by looking at it from the street. Tiny little place, BYOB and absolutely fantastic. Delicious. We ate, laughed and just had a great time. Been a while since it was just us 4 together.

Saturday, both girls were off to their friends' houses. L to a bowling party, then sleep over. T to her bff's house for two nights. I hate when she goes that long. K and I took advantage and went out to a local pub for wings, skins and a few beers. We were going to leave straight after, but an awesome band came on, so we stayed out late. Getting wayyyy too old for that! K slept until 1:30 on Sunday, got up, then took a nap!

L came home, suffering from sleepover hangover, grabbed a pillow and crashed in our bed for a few hours. Then we all cuddled on the coach and watched the Daytona 500. Was a fantastic race, well if you are a NASCAR fan. L and I decided to boot Daddy down to T's room so we could have a Mama L sleep over party. We snuggled up and she was out in minutes. Me, not so much! I love cuddles, but sleeping next to my girl was like sleeping next to a thrashing octopus. Not so much fun!

Monday was going good until my bean spilled a bowl of ramen noodles all over her chest and stomach. My heart lurched and my stomach lurched when I heard that scream from her. I knew immediately what had happened. Ripped her shirt over her head, grabbed a towel soaked in apple cider vinegar and stunk the house up making my baby better. Thank God the vinegar went right to work making the burn go right away. After that, she crashed on the couch for a few hours.

H arrived shortly after... ensue the arguing again. *sigh* I love her so much, I just wish L and her could get along. It's really exhausting and emotionally draining on all of us.

I guess I should mention Valentine's Day?

2011-02-14T22:27:00.002-05:00

A friend just shared the quote that was inside the card her husband gave her today:

When we fell in love, I gave you my heart.
When we got married, I gave you my word,
And for the rest of my life, I give you my love.

I thought that was just lovely. Something we all should strive for and maintain, as only half of us married folks keep that sentiment forever! So cherish, and nurture it, everyday.

For me, my gift from K was a text before I woke that said, "Happy Valentine's Day." Some people may find that to be crap. Not me. Most times I'm the one sitting and waiting for him to say "Happy blah blah blah." A lot of times he never does! I mope around like a shrew doing the whoa is me routine. Until I finally crack and say it to him. Sooo for him to say it first, well it means something to me. And he knows it. He made sure to send it before I woke, so it was the first thing I saw when I looked at my phone. Not a fancy gift, but one that I cherish. I'm a cheap date. lol

Hope everyone had a lovely Valentine's Day.

Blog backgrounds.. St. Patrick's Day

2011-02-14T22:01:00.002-05:00

It's that time of year... St. Patrick's Day is arriving. We LOVE St. Patrick's Day. As soon as the Valentine's Day sun sets, and even before, I start thinking of St. Patrick's Day. I've already perused the gazillion backgrounds I want to use for the blog. I think leading up to SPD (catchy, huh?) is the time I change my background the most. Yes, I guess it's annoying. Too bad! It's fun, it's cute, it's girly. All those things that are me. ;-) Definitely said with a wink!

It's winter, I'm bored. St. Patrick's Day is a focal point to get you through. It's the point of Winter *almost* being over. It's celebrating with friends and family the luck and blessings we've had throughout the year, and those blessings to come. Everyone is happy on St. Patrick's Day. Seriously, there are no gifts. No big obligations. Just a coming together to enjoy good times. What is there NOT to love? Over hyped? Maybe. Over celebrated? NEVER!

Heaven in a crock... AKA French onion soup

2011-02-14T21:13:00.001-05:00

First, we cut 5 onions...

Then we started to saute them in olive oil, butter, sugar and a pinch of salt..

Caramelized it down to this but of goodness

Lined the bottom of our crocks, covered with beef stock, toasted french bread and a layer of Provolone or Swiss.

Popped in broiler to golden them up

Put on our plate this heavenly goodness and devoured.

YUM

What's a budget?

2011-02-11T08:37:00.000-05:00

That was the question from my daughter this morning when I told her we would not be going anywhere, for anything, because we are on a tight budget. It's no wonder she would ask that question, as we do not budget, and never have.

Her next question: "When are you going back to work?" Another question she never would ask because she hates my job. At least she did. Until I barely have one. Maybe now the kids will realize why I work? Seriously, I would not choose to be home all day long wasting time when they are in school. i'm not cut out for it. I NEED something to do. I can't remember a time NOT working. I'm bored to hell.

And that's where we are. No money for extras. No work. Totally sucks. I went from working 7 days a week, all day long, to nothing. Zero. Zip. And no work means no money. We always say we are going to start saving so that when a time like this comes we are prepared. Did we? Nope. So our life is sucking balls right now.

Silver lining? I get to see the story line of Rafe having a doppelganger on Days Of Our Lives. Yes, the good life... Days Of Our Lives and Real Housewives, I'm living the good life. Now where are those damn bons bons people are always talking about?

Maybe this time will be time that triggers us to act like adults with our money? Maybe?

This Smile

2011-02-05T11:43:00.000-05:00

These are the moments a mother lives for. Seeing the joy, pride, confidence written all over your daughter's face. Those smiles, those are the ones that bring a mother to tears. That girl in the middle with that huge grin, that's the one that makes this mama cry. More photos to come!

Feeling some rodent love...

2011-02-02T08:06:00.000-05:00

This winter has been less than wonderful, much less. So today we put all of our faith in a big fat rat. While usually I'm apethitic about Phil's findings, today I cling to hope.

The rat says Spring will come early, he did not see his shadow! I'm ordering the flip flops and suntan oil today!

Now had said rat seen his shadow, I may have had to go all Caddy Shack on his ass. Can't take another minute of this winter.

Bring on Spring!!

What are the odds?

2011-02-01T21:06:00.002-05:00

that my daughter would develop the cooties the night before her first performance as "Patty Simcox", in Grease, for her middle school play? That would be 100%. She is in bed with a sinus migraine and coughing. Seems the whole cast is being struck down. There are no under studies. They have an AM performance both tomorrow and Thursday for their school, then on Friday and Saturday night for family and friends. :(

Praying hard she is better in the AM. As they say, the show must go on, so she is going in even if it's under a medicine induced hazy.

Gut instinct..

2011-02-01T13:00:00.001-05:00

K and I both think the job/move aren't going to happen. I've been research happy on the contract and it would be a large move for that company to make. Of course, that's a very uneducated opinion. I just feel it in my stomach that it won't be happening. K feels the exact same way. We are very okay with that.

The thought of the move has put a lot of strain on our family. T has been a mess. So bad so that her teachers wanted to call in a conference because they didn't know what was going on, but knew T was not herself. Her emotions are just under the surface. She's broke down crying in class 2-3 times a week. She's spent a lot of time with the guidance counselor because she feels so bad. :( She stopped doing her work, in school and homework.

We thought it was the right thing to prepare the kids that the move was a big possibility. We thought it best that we not just spring it on them if it came to be. We figured if we didn't move, well then they would be happy. BUT if we did, they'd be ready, not happy, but ready. We thought it was the right thing, but apparently not. It's too much for them to be thinking about for such a long period of time. So instead of us having to worry about the move when it happens and them adjusting, we've created a problem that we have to deal with right now. And all for a hypothetical move.

So, from this point on, we are assuming that we won't be moving. And in all probability, we won't. So no more talk of jobs, moves or California. All talk will be of the right now, which I keep proclaiming I'm going to be living in. Man I need to really practice living in the present, instead of the past and the future.

Do you know these people?

2011-01-31T11:56:00.000-05:00

You know the ones that shit rainbows? The ones that when they see a friend hurting, instead of offering a hug, they offer "MY husband is a saint, he only treats me with the utmost respect, 10 years together and we've never had a fight." And then you get the hug as the after thought. Or you're having a hard time with your kids and you get, "Thank God for my angelic little miss, must be my perfect parenting." "My life is golden, we live in rainbow happy kitten land." "I am the expert of experts on everything from marriage, to parenting, to the rising and setting of the sun."

You know those people? Can we knock them in the knee cap with a baseball bat and show them what's it's like when life throws you a curveball? I'd like to serve up a whole plate of STFU some days.

Monday Musings On A Tuesday Morning

2011-01-18T08:08:00.002-05:00

The splish splashing of the rain outside my bedroom window is much more appreciated than the silence of snow.

Being woken by inconsiderate early morning man at 4:45am sucks on any day. On day when school has a 90 minute delay and I could sleep until 9? Way super sucktastic!

On that note, why is it that every delay and snow day here I've been up well before the sun?

Hoping T has an okay day after a crappy weekend for her. Not envious of the 12 year old broken heart.

Five more months until our niece goes back to her dad. Love her with all my heart, wish I could fix the world for her. Just wish it wasn't so hard on my own girl. :(

Thanking God that I know where my boy is every night, and it's under our roof. Not the same for the parents if his friend.

Ginger cracks me up how she stalks the living room chair the minute she thinks I'm sleeping or out of the house. I can hear her snores from my bedroom. Silly dog

Hmmm the sound of the rain gives me sudden urges to sprint to the bathroom!

Phone call from K's prospective employer went well. No news but productive call. And we wait some more.

Spring yet?

My sandpaper feet make laying under the blankets an unpleasant experience.

Bedtime yet?

A father and son

2011-01-17T22:27:00.005-05:00

K received a call today from his father, normal as he calls everyday. He wanted K to put on some channel that was showcasing a story of a girl finding her birth parents online. He said it reminded him of K and himself, being K found him 25 years ago. He was choked up and told K so. K was like, "so I guess you like me!" and his father said he guessed so and wouldnt send him back. Lol this little snippet is a condensed version, but not by much. It's the little things that mean a lot to my man.

Having this huge family can be overwhelming, but it's those things that make it all worth it. Don't know what we would actually do without all of K's birth family. Even though he loves his family, it is his birth family that we are involved with most on a daily basis. The bond is just so strong. We wouldnt change it for the world.

How I spend my nights..

2011-01-12T08:27:00.005-05:00

Prior to December 3rd, my nights were spent browsing Facebook, scouring blogs and posting on my favorite parenting message board. Post December 3rd, it's all Craigslist viewing housing/apartments rentals in the San Francisco Bay/San Jose/East Bay areas. Every.waking.second of my night, to be more exact.

Here's where this finds me, as clueless as when I began! Rental shopping for a "possible" move isn't so easy. Maybe if I share where we are looking someone, anyone, can offer some insight.

We are considering 3/4 bedrooms homes. They can be single family, town homes or apartment. All have their pros and cons. Neighborhoods is where it gets tricky! How do you pick a neighborhood sight unseen? City-data San Francisco and San Jose have become my new Bible. They are the What To Expect When You Are Expecting, of moving to the Bay area. At least they are to me.

So this is the routine, go to Craigslist and put in my search parameters. Scroll through the rental prices, can we say, "Holy sheep shit, Batman???" Just a bit on the high side. After I pick up my jaw over the rents, I start clicking on the links that seem doable. Then I check the neighborhood on city-data. Let's just say, if it's under $2000, it's not in a good area, at least not a neighborhood that we're looking for. Or so say the locals.

Here's the other tricky part, we're trying to figure out how far we can stretch our comfort zone. This is an opportunity where we could really experience a whole other way of life. We could live city, mountain, beach, suburbia... all are there. K has always commuted a minimum of an hour. We could stick with that and live in a similar suburban area as here. Or we could drop that commute and be right in the heart of the city. Price wise with rents, really it's not too much of a difference. That's when the schools weigh in. So at this point, we are leaning for our same commute with the better schools. For now. Sight unseen. That could change if "possible" move becomes "definite" move.

So here are the East Bay neighborhoods:

Dublin/Pleasanton/Livermore, with the emphasis on Pleasanton as they seem to have great schools. Great family neighborhoods.

Walnut Creek for great schools as well, but maybe a bit more WASPy. While they list Pleasanton with having the higher incomes, I see the higher rental price in WC.

There is also Danville and San Ramon. Again, the same WASPy thing. We just aren't blue chip stock. lol They aren't out of the question, but I don't want my kids to be the ones coming from the wrong side of the tracks, kwim?

Next, we have the North Bay:

Here we are looking at Novato. While I like the idea of this area, not finding much on the rental listings. Traffic seems to be a common complaint when mentioned.

Lastly, we have San Jose:

Now this may be this most convenient location for commuting purposes, if the major office is located here. Tricky part, San Jose, while listed 4th Safest City, still seems to be sketchy in terms of where to live. Overall, schools there are supposed to suck. So here were are looking at the southeastern section of Evergreen. This area comes highly recommended from an online friend. There is a particular area that is safe with great schools. Still not sold on living that close to city, but it's an option.

Notice what you don't see listed? San Francisco proper. While K has a lot of family that live in San Francisco itself, we really don't feel it's for us. One being schools, two price, three parking.. I could go on. That much city is just too far for us to stretch out of our zone. Again, at least for now. If schools were not an issue, I'd be all over it! Well maybe not, I'm just not that liberal anymore!

To say it's difficult to pin it down, that would be an understatement. Without knowing specifically where the hq would be, it's little like playing pin the tail on the donkey and hoping you are the closest! When April does roll around, we will have researched this whole area to death. Then will be able to zoom right in. Right now, we are very heavy weighted on the East Bay area.

Overall, I find myself gravitating towards town homes. Many newer, more up to date appliances, pool, fitness centers. I'm thinking that could really be a good way to get the kids to meet other kids. But then I keep going back to how much we enjoy our own space, particularly our backyard. Sooo, I'm thinking SFH in a community that has a pool????

Oy, April can't get here fast enough. Remind me of that when it does get here and I'm either freaking because we are moving, or feeling gutted because we are not.

New Year's Eve

2011-01-11T07:46:00.009-05:00

The evening starting out with kissing K goodbye. :*( His job is all hands on deck NYE in Penn Station. Management has to support the crews with rail passengers stumbling to their trains after the NYE festivities. We've been spoiled the last few years, as he was home by 9:30. Can't much complain.

The girls and I decided to hit Benihana for a last of 2010 dinner. Minus the traveling family that got seated with us and complained about every.single.thing, it was a great dinner. One downfall to Benihana, besides the bill, is getting sat with not so happy people. That aside, it was a good time. Benihana is our favorite girl's lunch out restaurant, and we've gone a bunch in 2010. It was fitting to end the year going there together.

NYE was a nice time with S, E, T and L.. and J running in and out. At 7:45 the girls and I ran out to Party Fair and snatched up some last minute decorations. Bought tons of snacks and ate very few. A Good thing!! It was a very low key night, but perfect for me. Still dismays me that the oldest kids, being 22, chose to stay in! I was very grateful they chose to spend it home with me and their sisters.

At about 11:50, L crashed! Try as I might, I could not get her to wake up to see the ball drop. I'm not sure she's ever seen it live. At 12:01, magically, she was awake and fullll of energy. And waiting for the ball to drop. Whoops! Tradition lives on!

The kids left around 2, and we crashed. Others may have had big parties, or gone out on the town. For me, this NYE was the best one in a long time. Had K been able to be here, it would have been perfect.

2010 was very good to us. Our wish for 2011 is continued good health and happiness. And so far, it's had a great start!

Saying Goodbye to 2010

2010-12-31T09:38:00.004-05:00

It's time to ring out the old and usher in the new. So let's see, what would I like to ring out.

1. Poor debt management. We get a big fat F in the budgeting department. It's almost criminal.

2. Negativity, and not from others either, from ourselves. Our whole house needs a lesson on focusing on the positive.

3. Constant analyzing. Sadly, it's what I do best. I could analyze anything to point of non recognition. It's a talent that one would rather not possess.

4. My lack of empathy. I'm not very compassionate.at.all. I have to get over my, "There's one right way, and it's mine" attitude. I'm wrong, a lot.

5. My piss ass parenting skills. There didn't work well the first time around with the boys, if we continue the same course, we will have the same outcome with the girls.

What to usher in:

1. In a word, Change! We are craving it, looking forward to it, needing it.

2. Connections with old and new family and friends. Looking forward to building stronger bonds with all of them.

3. Challenges. My brain need some challenging. I'd like to jump into a photography course somewhere. Also like to take Spanish.. again. I really want to conquer it.

4. A healthier lifestyle, mind, body and soul. We are lacking in all 3!

5. Hopefully a new career, and new state and a new LIFE.

6. And after reading this post, I think breaking out my old grammar book may be a great thing for me!

7. And a 7th just thought of, I need to think of organization as a positive thing. So I'm ushing in being more organized! Clean home, clear head?? I think one reflects the other and vise versa.

Maybe we'll have some snow...

2010-12-27T10:55:00.003-05:00

turned into, batten down the hatches and prepare for snowpocalypse! And that it is! As of right now, a full 24+ hours after the stop of the snow, my back door is still snowed in. My 4ft above ground pool looks like it is now ground level with the snow being as high from drifts! The amount of snow is just mind blowing. And freaking cold. There is nothing about snow that I like. I'm imagining this snow is going to be around for a very long time too. I'd insert pictures right now, but A. I'm not going to take any and B. my computer died, AGAIN, and I'm on my son's.

On the work front, this absolutely sucks ass. We are already behind the 8 ball because of not being able to serve on Christmas Eve and Christmas, days that they don't account for when doing the "last date to serve" on my documents. Add in 3 extra snow days and ALL of my almost 50 services are now late. Joy. That said, I know better than to try and get out on the streets. It is really bad out there. My work can wait, I'm not going to hinder the plows and emergency vehicles by going out and getting my van stuck too. Nor am I going to risk my children being out stuck in my car with me.

Or block consists of 4 houses, no houses on opposite side. The plow came through and got stuck. For 2 hours! Finally freed, came back around and got stuck again for another 45 minutes. This was at 3am. Right in front of my bedroom window. The workers must be tired to the bone. They are working like mad only to get stuck. And only to hear complaint after complaint. Guess people aren't thinking of the families that they are also leaving at home on unplowed streets. It was a BLIZZARD! Stop complaining people, and for the love of God, stay off the road so they can do their job.

And on the subject of people's families that are left behind to fend for themselves, that would be our family too. My husband had to leave ahead of the snow to make sure he could get train service up and running to it's maximum capacity due to the weather. He worked 24 hours straight, took a nap for 3 hours and back again to the grind. He got home after doing a 36 hr stint, only to return 8 hrs later. So when all of you people complain about your train being "delayed", shove it. You really have zero idea of the amount of work that IS going on. Selfish, selfish people.

On a positive note, these roads will all be clear for the girls return to school next week! No added days to the year from snow... yet.

Merry Christmas!

2010-12-27T10:04:00.007-05:00

The lead up to Christmas was fast and furious. With K's last minute trip to San Jose, it really threw wrench in our motor. To say the girls were thrilled to see their daddy is an understatement. From there it was us getting down to business.

We still had a tree to get and my job to do. Hadn't bought a gift at that point either. Usually my mom is up at Christmas time to help with watching the kids, shopping and wrapping gifts. Her help, in that aspect, is invaluable. Didn't know how I was going to manage this year. By the Grace of God, K actually stepped up and helped out. He shopped, he cleaned and he WRAPPED. We've been together for 20 years, this is the first year he has ever wrapped. He did it all too without complaint.

Christmas Eve was so nice and quiet. We've just passed the threshhold of L believing in Santa. Soo at about 6:30p we asked them to go watch movies in their room while we wrapped and had a bloody Mary. Yes, it wasn't the magical wrapping of Santa, but it was necessary. 2 hours later, they came down and we watched a bit of tv. At 9:30, both girls were out cold on the couch. By 9:50, so were K and I. That is something that has never happened before. Sleep on Christmas Eve? Unheard of!

Christmas morning L waited until 7 when she couldn't take it anymore and woke us. We let T and her open two small gifts before breakfast. K made cinnamon buns and I made eggs, bacon and English muffins. L broke out her violin and woke S to her lovely rendition of Jingle Bells. Not bad! It was then back to unwrapping! There were no complaints from anyone, which was very nice. Again, we went over budget, but we just don't know how to do it otherwise.

After that is was a day of movies, iPods, computers and naps! Followed by a fantastic Christmas dinner of caesar salad, Italian bread and homemade lasagna. So delicious, if I do say so myself. Dessert was apple and pumpkin pies, chocolate pudding pie and magic cookie bars. Way to much food for just the 6 of us.

The best part of Christmas? Having it just be our 6. No grandma, no cousins, no aunts, uncles or girlfriends. While we love all of those people, it was reminiscent of days gone by when it was always just us 6. If this is the final family Christmas in this house, it was the best one yet. There is nothing I would change. It was truly a very, Merry Christmas.

perspective and procrastination

2010-12-22T16:08:00.004-05:00

Terrible day.

Too much work.

Too much shopping to do.

Too much wrapping to do.

Driving to DE tomorrow to bring my niece to her dad.

Grrr, not enough time.

Phone call from K.

Date night.

All is good in the world.

Things that make you go grrrr

2010-12-22T09:31:00.005-05:00

My niece answering her phone:

"Hello"

then we hear silence.

1 minute later:

"Hello"

silence

and again.

What is this ritual? This is her "mother" calling her collect from jail/rehab and getting 20 second snippets to her daughter. The same woman that my brother fought tooth and nail for custody of my niece. The same woman who has never been there for her, who has always chosen drugs over her daughter. So why is this happening now? Because her father has about as much common sense as 2 year old, maybe less.
-----

Check bank account.

Hmmm, additional ATM withdrawals not accounted for. Wonder how that happened? Yeah, right.

Our future life decisions will be based upon the decisions of a soon to be 21 year old. Joyous. We need to remember to stop giving an inch. The miles being taken are always financially and mentally exhausting.

Highs... and Lows....

2010-12-21T08:24:00.003-05:00

A few months back, I heard of a story of a local young man who had been incarcerated. At first glance, appeared legit. Transporting 2 guns in the trunk of his car. I'm not a gun lover, by any stretch of the imagination. So I assume guns must be unregistered or the act must of been illegal at some point. He should have been a responsible gun owner, got what he deserved... blah, blah, blah. The typical rhetoric you'd expect from someone with an anti-gun point of view.

On all accounts, I was wrong. Brian Aitken had purchased his guns legally in Colorado. He was moving. He ensured, before moving, how to legally transport them in the state of New Jersey. Unloaded, locked, in the trunk of his car. Legally registered.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brian_Aitken

"On January 2, 2009 Aitken's mother contacted police to attend to her son after he became distraught over a dispute with his ex-wife. The responding officers searched his car and discovered two locked and unloaded handguns in the trunk. Aitken was subsequently arrested for possession of these weapons and was sentenced to seven years in prison by now former judge James Morely."

When this story made news, with the facts, there began the public outrage. Internet sites, radio, tv. Everyday, average people writing letters, making calls, sending emails. And their voices were heard, our voices were heard!

http://www.app.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=2010101220112

Gov. Chris Christie announced Monday he had commuted the sentence of Brian D. Aitken, the 27-year-old Mount Laurel who man had been serving a seven-year prison term after being found with guns he'd purchased legally in Colorado.
"We're overjoyed," Aitken's fiancee, Jenna Bostock, said Monday evening. "I can't believe he is going to be home for Christmas."

Good job Governor Christie, but GREAT job to the people who wouldn't stop shouting to make sure this man was released.

------------

Now on a much sadder note, T's homeroom/Social Studies teacher passed away 2 days ago. Mr. Blair leaves behind a wife and two children. He also leaves behind children that will forever remember the imprint he left in their lives. From your Middle School Family, R.I.P Mr. Blair. Our thoughts and prayers are with your family at this time.

http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/mycentraljersey/obituary.aspx?n=robert-w-blair&pid=147334436

Robert W. Blair, 44, of Barnegat died Sunday, Dec. 19, 2010 at Arcadia Nursing and Rehabilitation Center. Mr. Blair was a coach for Alliance Soccer, Barnegat, Barnegat Recreation Soccer and a coach at Toms River Intermediate South where he coached his girl's to the 2009 Girls Soccer Championship. He was a seventh grade Social Studies teacher at Toms River Intermediate South for six years; prior he was a fifth grade teacher at Cedar Grove Elementary School, Toms River. He was born in Anchorage, Alaska living most of his life in Toms River before moving to Barnegat in May of 1996.
Surviving is his wife, Kelly; his son, Cullen; his daughter, Paisley; his parents, Robert and AnnaMarie Blair, Toms River and Lynda Hurd, Barnegat; his brother, Michael, Virginia and sister, Bonnie Nazaruk, Virginia. He will be missed by a large loving extended family.

my job and Christmas

2010-12-20T09:43:00.005-05:00

On any given day, my job is quite sucky. Serving people summons, complaints and subpoenas, just isn't all that much fun. No one wants you on their door step. I believe we are more hated than the dentist. But it's my job. It's what enables us to pay the mortgage. We would have to make serious sacrifices if I didn't work.

Christmas time it's an especially sucktastic time for my job. Bringing foreclosure to someone's door the week before Christmas, well it isn't easy. Not for the person, and not for us. Yesterday was especially hard. My husband was at a door for quite an extended amount of time. People tend to tell us their whole mortgage saga, thinking we know more than we do. In actuality, we know just as much as their mailman would know bringing them mail. I can usually gracefully get away quickly. K, not so much.

When he finally came down the drive, I could see tears in his eyes. I could visibly see him shaking. He got back in the car, drove a bit down the street, pulled over and had a cigarette. He got back in the car and proceeded to tell me how the poor woman just broke right into tears. Told him how she has always followed the Bible, has worked hard her whole life, how she is jumping through every hoop the mortgage company has laid before her, only to have them return her checks. She lost her job. Has $43 to her name. Has done everything right her entire life. Then she recently lost her job. My husband got into the car thinking of how concerned we are about opportunities, how he spent last week eating $50 steaks and racking up a $1000 hotel bill... and complaining about it. Definitely puts life into perspective.

This woman's story isn't rare story either. It's all day, everyday I hear them. Just at Christmas time it cuts you a little bit more. Every year I wish I could take this week off. But then I remember my bills and my mortgage and know as much as it sucks, we have to work. We pride ourselves in being compassionate and empathetic. Sometimes that just doesn't feel like it's enough. So this year, while you are sitting in your house, complaining about all the chaos Christmas is, could you maybe say a little pray for the families out there that are facing the hardest times they've ever faced?

All is right in our Universe

2010-12-20T08:38:00.006-05:00

He's home. We missed him <-------this-------> much. Truly can't believe how much. He is definitely the center of our universe here. He was shocked to see us at the airport waiting for him, as we were supposed to pick him up from the later train station . We couldn't wait, nor did we want him to have to have to hop a train after flying all day. I have a new found respect for military wives, and wives whose husbands travel all the time. In future, should K get this job, there will be more traveling, but none that would be holding our future in the balance. So maybe not so many tears?

On a plus side, he has come home the kinder, gentler K. Being away did both of our hearts a bit of good. In 20 years, we've very rarely spent a night away from each other. This was definitely a different experience for us, and not a bad one. Hell, my husband offered to take a Christmas list and do some shopping for me. He has NEVER helped with Christmas shopping. And I didn't ask. He offered. Sooo, maybe I won't be so distraught at the thought of another business trip!

PSA...

2010-12-18T12:51:00.005-05:00

The previous blogs are a possibility, not set in stone. They are what could, and we hope will, happen. We don't know for certain anything right now. We'd appreciate you leave your negative comments at the door. Whether it happens or not, we are excited about the possibility. We'd appreciate you'd being excited for us.

Thanks!

Our house...

2010-12-17T13:13:00.004-05:00

we figured out the house thing here. S and E, his girlfriend, will move in and rent it from us. We have a complete finished basement apartment that they would rent out to S's co-worker. J, at this point, wants to stay behind if S stays in the house. I would transfer my job to him, of which my company would have zero problem. I'd be able to have him start slowly and train him beforehand. It's flexible and he'd be able to continue going to college here. They could, if they had too take in another roomie.

The thought of leaving them both behind has me very sad. I did have a feeling J would not go without S. Who knew that my boys that are 18 months apart, and fought, I mean fought, each other for so many years, would be so close?

The other thought, how is it that my oldest, who gave me so much trouble throughout the years, has become so responsible? And my youngest, he still has blips, but he's come a very long way.

This would truly be an ideal situation for all of us. S and E have been searching long and hard for a place they could afford. J has been trying to find a job that's flexible for school, and leave him with some money in his pocket. Our house would be in good hands. AND if nothing worked out, we'd come back with limited loss. K's bosses here told him before the interview that he would always have a job there. And I know I could come back to my job.

Of course, if J chooses to come, then he will be with us and we can figure school out there.

So what is there to lose?

He hit it out of the park

2010-12-17T01:12:00.006-05:00

K was part of the team that presented today. From his account, they knocked it out of the park. He loved every second of it. He was definitely on a high after it was over. He gained a confidence this week that you can't buy. That makes the whole trip worth it in itself.. Plus the dinners that he has had no problem gloating about. Bastard!

So where does that leave us job wise? Not really sure! The awarding of the contract will be delayed until April with runnings beginning May 5. The president of the company said they definitely need him there if they get the bid. Said our numbers aren't far off and that he will be "greatly rewarded" for going above and beyond for them this whole week. He will be on vacation for the next two weeks but will be getting in touch. Also said if CA doesn't come to be, they will be looking for a home for him.

It's all pretty good to our ears. I told K we needed 6 months. Voila, we have 6 months. One thing we now know for certain, our time here is going to come to an end.... And I never realized that we wanted that until now. So in these upcoming months we are going to be preparing for whatever change that comes our way. We won't be blindsided, we will be in control. Ahh control, yes I feel it returning, along with my heart that isn't being left in San Francisco.

He hit the wall..

2010-12-15T21:22:00.005-05:00

He's exhausted, cranky, out of sorts and wanting to come home. He's had pretty much zero sleep and is on Jersey and CA time. The frustration in his voice tonight had me feeling so bad for him. He's there helping out, but 1/2 of these guys need to be spoon fed every little step of the way. Exactly why they flew him out there. He'll be at the presentation tomorrow, and even though it isn't his company, not even his job yet, he will stroke if they blow it. They were about to see the K that his staff gets to see when they don't perform up to par. For once, my wise man stepped away before he fired people that don't work for him, and a company that he doesn't work at. LOL.

This week I'll be making the exception to my "I do not go to the liquor store" rule. I have a feeling if there are no Coors Lights in this house upon his arrival, it may just be the last straw.

Keep your fingers crossed this presentation goes well. Not for the company, and not for the job, but for my husband's hard work. Proud of him would be an understatement to how I feel.

ETA: Really wish him luck. They are figuring out out how to get him directing the whole presentation. Sitting on the sidelines isn't going to happen.

How much we take for granted.. thankful for much

2010-12-15T16:28:00.005-05:00

You live your life, going through all the day to day stuff. But how present are you during those days? I've known for a long time that I have a very hard time living in the here and now. Stressing over the future, fretting over the past. That is how I live minute to minute. I try very hard to remind myself to breathe and pay attention to what is going on in the present. Most of the time, I fail.

Since last week, I've been a disaster of the past and the future and now. I've been the poster child of ADHD. My poor friends and family have listened to my incessant rambling. It's not been pretty. So today I've made myself only think of what is going on right now, at this very minute, and too be grateful for all of it.

With all the recent events, it's become glaringly obvious how much we have to be thankful for. I love my husband, my children, my family, my friends, my home, the BEACH. My job for pulling us through for so long. But right now, I'm grateful most for the strength of my marriage. When I'm over analyzing our life, I tend to overlook how strong our marriage is. For that alone, I feel blessed. This week has made me so much stronger in myself. Can't explain all that, but I feel it.

And we wait, then wait some more..

2010-12-15T11:24:00.004-05:00

It's Wednesday, still no answer. K hasn't seen the outside of the hotel conference room but for dinner twice and to walk to get cigarettes. Yes, he is still smoking. He's been working from 8am until 1-2am everyday. The company he is out there with must present tomorrow. The guys there have been lacking in the motivation department getting the presentation right. So K and his old coworkers have been plugging away getting it ready.

This trip has been such a positive experience for him. I can hear excitement/passion in his voice I haven't heard in a long time. We are 100% positive that even if this doesn't come through right now, what he is getting out of it is invaluable. And the next offer won't be far behind. There has been no "formal" interview like he is used too. What he is doing is hands on showing them what he does, and does well. And not because they are expecting it of him, but because there is no way you could hole him up in a room for days doing nothing, just not who he is. He loves the company, loves the whole team, and loves that you are treated as a professional, rather than a number. He said it's a very family feeling atmosphere.

If the numbers are right, and they get the contract, he will take the job. For sure. If the either the numbers or the contract don't work out, we will be waiting for the next offer. They want him, so I don't imagine it would be that far off. Now if we could only get to those numbers, I'd be able to breathe!

Should I stay or should I go now???

2010-12-12T07:39:00.004-05:00

Been a long time. Didn't post about many things. Not catching up on them now. Cutting straight to the chase.

Friday, December 3, my husband stopped after work to catch up with a former colleague. Sunday, December 12, my husband is sleeping peacefully, I'm sure, in a hotel room in San Jose CA. 2986 miles away. Google says if I jump in my car right now, I could be there in 2 days 2 hours... driving nonstop! WTF??

Now, had you told us this on December 2, we would have told you to go have another drink. Or maybe we should have started drinking, or maybe we were drinking?!? WTH knows now, I just know December 2 our life was our life, December 3, our whole thought for the future was shaken up like the insides of a water globe.

From a barstool in Morrisville Pa, it was proposed to my husband to come take a look at a company that is looking for young talent. Research, put in a resume, one night, possibly two in San Francisco. What harm could it do? December 7, wow, apparently great resume. Positions they were considering, not the right fit. But hey, we are going to make a position for you, come out Saturday, enjoy the week out there. EEEEERRR week? Make a position? We thought it was an interview, full of other candidates... "If we can't make this work, we'll go to plan B." First, let me know what plan A is!

Random, jumbled, insane, excited thoughts.. Do we want to move to San Francisco? Can we afford San Francisco? Don't we love where we live? Aren't we happy? You know it's 65 * in San Fran right now? Feels like -55* here right now? Do we tell the job? Do we not go? What about the kids? WHAT ABOUT THE KIDS?

Next phone call, we need x amount of $$$ to live. No less. Family is first. Thanks for the offer, very flattering, but we are happy and we aren't moving back in our life. We don't want to worry about crunching every penny. The reply? Is that what it will take to get you here? *insert me hitting the floor after falling to the ground hearing this conversation take place* Don't know if it's doable, but let me run it by. Text next morning, we'll book your flight for Sat and give you the info to follow. San Fran becomes San Jose (at least I know it isn't only me my husband half listens too), 1-2 days becomes a full week. I become a slumped figure in the corner trying to figure out what the hell is going on! Slow down, slow down.

So my husband is snoozing away after having landed yesterday and going straight to work. That's right, I said straight to work. Because when the "interview" apparently happens, whenever the heck that is, IF they match his numbers, he will be presenting to XYZ company about how "his company" will be the best choice to oversee XYZs interests. HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!

Of course, me being the leveled headed supportive wife that I am (insert roll eyes), I have cried, thrown hissies, been overwhelmingly supportive, elated at the thought of moving, pissed that this even came to be, terrified, exhausted, lonely. Did I mention I cried? Oh, and I cried. What K hears is sad, unsupportive, bitch. Great combo.

And most of all, my bottom line thought, I own a damn house in Jersey that isn't ready to rent and we sure as hell will never be able to sell it. And I'm a JERSEY GIRL. 100%. Never wanted to be anything else. Jersey doesn't just let you leave... and I feel like my husband is already gone. To a place where he will have to decide if we will live. To a place he will have a new beginning, an exciting new career. To a place that is like a shiny new penny to him. To a place that will be sight unseen for me and the kids. To a place I will have no job, no friends, no identity. Ha, not that I have friends here now, but it's home. It's what I know. It's what I love. I hate the unknown. I hate not having control. Being in control is what keeps me almost sane. Right now, it's slipping.

This post brought to you by the ramblings of a crazy lazy, with no sleep for almost a week, who is missing her husband like someone cut her very own heart out. <--- nice sentence huh?

Thankful for 5

2010-06-26T08:14:00.003-04:00

Been a long time, blowing off a little bit of dust.

1. School year over, pretty good school years at that.

2. K on vacation this week, see how thankful I am for that by the end of the week.

3. Gorgeous weather today.

4. Opportunity for K work wise.

5. My little garden veggie herb gardens, and my potted flowers all doing nicely. Makes me smile.

Wordless Wednesday: Blast from St. Patty's Past

2010-03-17T10:13:00.000-04:00

Being the parents of teens

2010-03-14T10:07:00.006-04:00

Has been the hardest challenge of our lives. You know Murphy's Law, what can go wrong will? Well, that has been our life during the teen years. Our boys made every single mistake that the parenting books warn you about, even evented a few of their own. Most mistakes, they made more than a few times.

Guess what?? Today, we are no longer the PARENTS OF TEENS!! Our youngest son, J, turns 20 today. ALIVE? That, in itself, is a milestone. While he still makes mistakes, they are fewer and less life altering. Our son is a man. He is slowly maturing, and there are days we actually see the light, granted dimly, but it's there.

So join me in celebrating J's 20 years. Happy Birthday to my baby boy. May you stay safe while you follow your journey finding out the man you will be.

Also help me celebrate the 1 year 2 month reprieve we have from parenting a teen. Then prayers may commence as we enter into the insanity again... this time with girls!

Thankful for 5

2010-03-12T08:10:00.004-05:00

It's Friday, time to list the 5 things I am thankful for this week. If you'd like to play along, go for it! Be kind and link back. You'd be surprised at how listing 5 little things you are thankful for makes a big difference in how you feel.

1. my daughter's twitchy-ness, goodness knows many have it WAY worse.

2. health insurance, okay, maybe that's a huge thing I'm thankful for. Bills just rolled in from my hospital stints. They are manageable.

3. the ability to be home with my girls when they are sick and not worry about loss of pay.

4. Take out. 'Nuff said.

5. This week I'm most thankful for my son making it to 20. It has been a lonnng road, one with many bumps, and I'm sure more to come. BUT he is alive, healthy and, every so slowly, maturing.

Thursday Thirteen: Things I'm looking forward to...

2010-03-11T10:41:00.004-05:00

1. VACATION

2. Getting out today into the warm weather

3. Clocks going forward this weekend

4. 3 day weekend with hubby

5. ~~St. Patrick's Day Parade this weekend xFingers crossedx~~ postponed until next Saturday, when we will be attending a 2 yo's birthday party. Lucky we love the kid!

6. new carpet upstairs

7. income tax return

8. BFF visit this Summer

9. paycheck tomorrow

10. seeing friends over the weekend

11. school coming down to the end

12. date hour tonight

13. celebrating my youngest son's 20th birthday this weekend!!

Wordless Wednesday: OBX dreaming... 42 days and counting!

2010-03-10T08:18:00.003-05:00

Thankful for 5

2010-03-09T14:50:00.005-05:00

1. the health our family enjoys right now

2. seeing K's family even if under such sad circumstances.

3. glouriously warm weather

4. 42 days until vacation!

5. downtime that I have desparately needed.

Haunted by a look

2010-03-09T08:59:00.003-05:00

This weekend we had to attend the funeral of my husband's Uncle Mike. I'm embarrassed, ashamed, to say we hadn't seen him in over 7 years. To be 2 hrs away, that is quite sad. My husband didn't know him all that well, but always liked him. He was a quiet man, but always had a smile and welcoming air about him.

Now Auntie Peg, Uncle Mike's wife, she isn't the quiet one. She is the one bustling about making sure everything is perfect. She rules the roost and keeps it running smoothly without a hitch. She is the strong one. The one you never see a tear from. The one who does not tolerate anything less than your best. She is the one that no one worries about, as "It's Auntie Peg, she'll be fine. She's a strong woman."

That statement seemed to be the overall sentiment of the funeral. In my head, I quietly disagreed. Sitting in the church for mass, I was in direct line of Auntie Peg. No, I didn't see a tear. I saw a look. Sitting in the front pew, a side ways glance at her resting husband. A long, lingering look, head bowed to the left. Eyes full of sorrow, a weight so heavy over her expression that I had to turn away. In a church full of people, it was a private moment, her private moment. Her few seconds to let down her guard, to let the loss settle over her, a moment to feel her goodbye. In that moment, she was not Auntie Peg, "the strong one." She was just a woman mouring the loss of her beloved husband, her friend, the father of her children. A few fleeting moments later, the veil of strength came down again. Auntie Peg, "the strong one" had returned.

But I saw it. I know in the quiet moments to herself, she isn't going to be as strong as they all think. :( So when anyone asks my husband how she seemed, I cringe when he says, "You know Auntie Peg, she'll be okay. She's a strong woman." He didn't see the moment. He didn't see the grief over take her. He saw what she wanted them to see. He only saw "the strong one".

So while I say a prayer for Uncle Mike, my heart breaks for Auntie Peg. My prayers go to her in the quiet moments to herself when she can be just Peg. Just a woman who doesn't have to be the shoulder for the world. A woman that has suffered a great loss. I pray for her that she will have the strength to allow herself those moments. Being strong is not holding back the tears, being strong is allowing them to come.

Want to make your own blog button but don't know how??

2010-03-05T11:36:00.003-05:00

Stop over at Work, Wife, Mom, Life and let Julia teach you how.

In minutes I had my very own. Thank you, Julia!

Look on my sidebar! ------>

Friday Fails? Ever had one?

2010-03-05T09:35:00.005-05:00

As this Friday has only begun, I haven't had much time to fail. Well, unless you count me oversleeping from taking 2 Tylenol PMs last night. Wouldn't be such a big deal IF I didn't have 11 and 9 year old girls. Girls that blessedly got ready on their own and got off to the bus. Thank GOD the bus stop is the front porch. I was technically awake, but was in a foggy haze in bed.

What more can I fail at today? I mean there are so many more hours left in the day, there must be more! Well at least I ended the week failing like I began it, as I wrote about earlier with my Monday Fail!

Over at My Blessed Life Myra talks of her Friday Fails. You'll never look at your car the same again. Go link up your Friday Fails!!

Wordless Wednesday Goodbye Hello

2010-03-03T07:45:00.004-05:00

test

2010-03-02T13:22:00.001-05:00

Meanderings from the outside looking in

2010-03-01T13:00:00.011-05:00

Thoughts you have when locked out of your home.

1. Is there an app for that? Heck there is one for shutting off your lights remotely. How about the one for busting out a window and squeezing your fat ass through that hole app?

2. Don't go out with your hair wet, especially when your brush is locked in your car and there are hefty wind gusts. The homeless look, not a good one.

3. Think the neighbor is wondering why I'm sat on the porch? He barely sees me out of the house when it's summer.

4. Fuck no, I'm not asking him if I can wait at his house. I'd sooner go in the shed with the unknown varmints.

5. How many cars go up and down the main road and where the hell are they all going? And WHY do they feel it necessary to beep at homeless lady sitting on porch? Don't these people work?

6. It's warm in the sun. Repeat over and over.

7. The porch needs a redoing.

8. Karma is a mean bitch when bites you back, as proven by the bite marks she is leaving right now.

9. Wishing there was a way I could do absolutely nothing today, bad move! Wish granted, careful what you wish for!

10. Thank GOD, and countless geeks, for iPhone.

11. It's warm in the sun. Repeat.

12. How long is that hour ride going to take my saviour to get here?

13. I'd never surviv

--------
Okay, I didn't perish due to the elements during the writing of #13, my iPhone just decided I'd written enough.
--------

If you enjoyed my Monday fail, you will certainly enjoy Myra's Friday Fails at My Blessed Life. She is failing with humor!

Bloggers Spring Give '10

2010-03-01T11:23:00.004-05:00

Modern Matriarch blogged last week about getting ready for an upcoming move. She is working on simplifying her family's life by living with half! The PODS arrived in front of her home, and right to work she went.

From the response she received on her blog she has started up Bloggers Spring Give '10.

Here's the jist:

Starting today, March 1, you have a month to make a pile of stuff.

Go through your kids toys, go through your closets, check in your attic and under your bed.

Use this rule: Have I used/worn this in the last three months? Will I use/wear it in the next three months? If the answer is no, it goes in the pile.

Then, find local donation centers or church organizations that could use these items. Anyone in NJ, I urge you to check out OneSmallWish. Otherwise, call local women's shelters, churches, Goodwill. Many of these organizations can provide you with a tax ID and the donation can be deductible on your 2010 taxes.

Schedule a drop off or a pick up of your items. Take pictures of you and your kids purging your "stuff," teach them that there are other kids and mommies and daddies who need these things more than you do.

And then on April 1, I'll be hosting Blogger's Spring Giving.

Simple, right?? Join the purge, help others and simplify your life!

Thankful for 5

2010-02-28T21:27:00.004-05:00

1. A friend request on FB that resulted in a bit of harmless jealousy, sometimes a little jealousy is good for the old battered ego. And request was ignored.

2. Scoring seats and swapping plates at carrabas, you'd really have to love someone to swap 3/4 eaten dinners.

3. Scoring seats at McI's last night

4. Great times watching, singing and dancing to Boothill Express. Totally could have rocked being a southern redneck girl.

5. A day to recover after a fabulous date night with my handsome man. Feel truly blessed today.

Who Are You??

2010-02-28T11:32:00.004-05:00

The Census came up on a message board I belong to. The question was asked if you will be filling it out. My answer, yes, but just basic info about how many live here. Nothing more. Through that the conversation moved onto the info that used to be on the census reports and how you can search your ancestry through them on Ancestry.com

And so my journey began a few days ago. I've barely logged out of it in days. Who knew that my family had roots in the British West Indies? Who knew that Dutch was a strong line in our ancestry. When my parents told us that we were a Irish, English, Scotch, Dutch & German.. I tended to believe, or not believe the Dutch/German part. Well, not so! I can see the name of the darned streets that my family traced back too! It's absolutely amazing.

What took me by surprise the most was the emotions I've been feeling. I've not been one to really care too much about where my ancestors came from. My mom and dad's synopsis above was always enough for me. That was until I could put a name on a person and see where they came from. And who their sisters and brothers were.. see our family tree intertwine with others' trees. To physically see a draft card, or OMG, a picture of my great grandmother! I've been searching and wiping away tears for days, as is T. She is so fascinated.

Now for the best part so far, I found a tree that intertwined with ours. The D Family Tree, and on that tree was my maternal grandmother, and her siblings. My mom hadn't seen any of this family since around 1980. So I email through the site...

Subject: About G
I am her Granddaughter, Kim. My mother is N L xxxx.

Reply:
Kxxxx
Yesterday 6:37 PM GMT
I remember your mother L very well. She's my cousin. I think of the R**** very often but we lost touch years ago.

My father (John ****) was Aunt G's youngest brother. (My father died in March 2008 - he was 81). He was much younger than Aunt G, the last of 6. He wasn't much older than your Aunt Betty.

I wonder about your mom, about M (I heard P died years ago) and all of you kids. I think you have two older brothers, don't you? (Is one Tommy???)

I'm very happy to have re-connected with you Kim! Would you please tell me all about your family? I'd love to get us all back in touch! My email is xxxxx@hotmail.com.

Your cousin,
K

I was blown away!! I immediatly took the email to my daughter, and just like me, tears! This is my mother's 1st cousin! How do you lose touch? And my mom's uncle died not so long ago. They are in Pennsylvania, we could have been part of each others' lives. Yep, I'm tearing up again.

What a blessing. I truly hope to find relatives from my dad's side, as I know NONE of his family. I know more about them in 2 days than I had ever learned in 37 years.

Anyway, this is not a sponsored post for sure, but I'd do a commercial for Ancestry.com for free! Highly, highly recommend it to anyone.

Got the domain

2010-02-26T12:09:00.003-05:00

Now what the heck to do? It was only $10. I still think my husband would flip his shit over buying a name! Oh well, I work. lol.

My blogroll was lost, so I need to rebuild that. Not easy when I now have to figure out where the blogs were. I've discussed before how I'm a loser blogger, I don't know how to setup a blog reader. Blogger 101 is probably something I should google!

(and proofreading might be something that would come in handy ;) )

Things that make me happy

2010-02-25T09:42:00.011-05:00

Lost photos from our Princeton "Lets pretend we are in Hawaii" trip.

Thankful for 5

2010-02-24T22:33:00.005-05:00

I NEED to find the positive today.

1. catching back up with good friends that always seem to get caught in the crossfire of unrelated drama

2. my SN friends for always being there, no matter what

3. work being very slow right now with a snow "storm" on track for tomorrow. little work means little driving.

4. having rekindled family relationships so that we can be contemplating a family reunion in Vegas this Summer. May not be able to make it, but nice that it's on the table.

5. TIMEOUT! for myself. I needed it tonight!

I was vomited on today..

2010-02-24T20:26:00.005-05:00

Or at least that is how it felt. I was surrounded by so much negativity today that by the time I got in from work tonight, I was spewing my very own brand of nastiness.

At 7pm, I put myself in timeout. Grabbed a Coors Light, sat on the couch and just let myself breathe. Before that I was so tightly bound I thought I'd explode. Snapping at the kids, slamming draws and cabinets. Flinging dinner on the stove and onto plates. I really felt I was going to snap.

Now, after my session on the naughty couch, awwww, I'm finally feeling sane. I really need to figure out how to not let the negativity, that has a way of surrounding my day, suck me in.

But man, one last tidbit from my negativity train, Rachel Ray cover up them saggy boobs and shudddup!

Back to my Coors Light and quiet time.

Productive??

2010-02-22T13:55:00.014-05:00

Me, not in the least. It's another pj day. Seem to be having quite a few of those. Work is at a snails pace at the moment. Might need to freshen up the ol' resume. But beyond work, there is stuff I could, should, be doing. I'm going to list them and hopefully that will motivate my behind. Bullets to follow.

~~put away dishes~~
~~load dishes~~
~~make bed~~
~~put laundry in~~
~~take laundry out~~
~~put away~~
~~dust before we are over taken by the bunnies~~
~~shower, yeah, that should happen soon~~
~~vacuum~~
~~call tax man~~
~~drop off papers to tax man~~
~~finalize obx house~~
~~write letter to insurance~~
mail letter to state
~~go to store~~
~~make dinner~~
~~call mom back~~
~~stop analyzing shit that has nothing to do with me~~
~~pick up iPhone~~
~~figure out how to strike off something on my bullet list after accomplished.. bet you know that is the first thing I will do!~~

Oh I'm sure there is much more, just got sick of thinking. Yeah, there goes that lack of productivity again. Summoning the Gods for me to get a move on.

A little AM whine

2010-02-19T07:38:00.004-05:00

Sick again. This has been the winter from hell with all the cooties. L has been sick since last Wednesday, had to finally break down and get her on meds. Much better today. So now, I've gotten the gift of her germs. No voice again. How many times is that this freaking year? I'm sure K will be right behind.

I'm done with this freaking crap. Bring on the damn Spring so we can disinfect this damn place. UGHH, if I have to whisper to my kids one more stinking and have them say, "What? I can't hear you." And then walk away and ignore me, yes, that may send me over the edge.

mile markers that get you through the winter

2010-02-17T22:46:00.004-05:00

Winter is long and miserable here. I always try to break winter down into mile markers. Each mile marker reached, closer to Spring.

First, get Christmas over and done with. Next, count down to Valentine's Day. Then St. Patricks... and sometimes we are blessed with warm weather for the parade. But those are just little ones that semi help.

Our major mile marker is counting down to vacation.. and seeing the bffs. They've popped in here, typically in February, we've popped down there in April and Summer. But the biggy is the April trip to OBX. They can't make it this year. Totally understand, but still blows chunks all the same. That trip is what has kept, along with the little jaunts here and there, us sane. Hmm, wonder why we are on the verge on INSANE!

So, we're trying to put together a lone family trip. It's not like we aren't looking forward to it... it's just that we aren't counting down to it. Heck, we haven't even pinned it down. We've researched Destin Fl, OBX, Niagara Falls, Myrtle Beach, and even Georgia. Nothing solid. Frankly, considering staying home. My job has slowed, well more than slowed. Probably NOT a good time to go away. But God our sanity needs it.

Driving to FL difficult because of travel time. Flying difficult because airfare+rental car +rental house.. umm no! OBX, still top of the list, but doesn't feel right.. or fun to anyone right now. Myrtle Beach, maybe. Georgia, probably too far on the drive as well. Niagara, difficult for rental like we'd want. Moreso hotels, means eating out for all meals, means $$$. Plus mid April, Niagara Falls? COLD!

So right now the marker we have to cling to? St. Patricks Day! Might start it off with an Irish Wake this weekend. Hell if we have to be cold and miserable, might as well be drink our way through!

Thankful for 5

2010-02-17T07:55:00.003-05:00

1. My husband being more rational than me, who'd have thunk it?

2. Winter phasing out, hopefully!

3. Our weekend away, was a nice time and what we really needed.

4. That I still have a job even though it is unGodly slow.

5. Things hopefully getting better for my friend/neighbor.

Thankful for 5

2010-01-29T13:44:00.003-05:00

1. J not being hurt in the accident, totalled car but no injuries, thank God.

2. Myself being on the mend

3. Mom heading out soon. She really has been on her best behavior this visit but we really cherish our home just being us.

4. My bro starting a new chapter in his life, really hope it turns things around for him. He is a hard worker and it seems it's always 1 step forward 2 steps back.

5. and mostly, my husband. Can't even get into all he did for me, and everyone here, when I was so sick. I've never seen him be so strong. He was really my rock, my doctor, my shoulder. I cannot think of him without tearing up. I love you, K.

Words fathers would rather not hear...

2010-01-13T10:25:00.005-05:00

Liv: "Daddy, daddy, do you know what Native Americans (it's actually Nootka Indians past century rituals, thanks Wiki!)do when a girl gets her first period?"

A green Daddy: "WHATT?!?, we don't talk about that stuff with Daddy!"

A raised eyebrow Mommy: "Umm, yes we do."

A green, swallowing Daddy: "Whatttt???"

A very excited L: "They take her out to sea, leave her all alone and make her swim back. Then they clap for her when she makes it to the beach."

A pale, faint, green Daddy: "gulp"

Very proud, informed L: "How about Africa, want to know there??"

Shallow breathing Daddy about to lose grip on reality: "Somebody shoot me now."

A big girl NOT going to be left out of the conversation, T: "They cut seven (actually 4) lines in her stomach. I like pedicure, dinner and chocolate idea."

Eyes glazed over, resigned to years of torture Daddy: "WHATTTT? Are we done with this conversaton yet?"

LOL! It was a priceless moment. As was the equally touching moment when Daddy's big girl just crumbled into tears at dinner. Daddy scooping her up with tears in his own eyes knowing all she needed was to be loved.

Yep, I'm thankful for all of that too.

Thankful for 5

2010-01-13T08:08:00.004-05:00

1. My daughter's self acceptance.

2. Thankful that we got to this milestone. 11 1/2 years ago, we never thought we'd see the milestones.

3. God blessing our lives with health and happiness.

4. Great friends that go out of their way to do kind things for us, ie. K's coworker working on his car to keep the window up, another coworker scouring the internet to help us track down the right parts and cheaply.

5. The laughter that is the most common sound in our home.

JCP&L you suck

2010-01-12T10:29:00.002-05:00

I received my ebill for JCP&L today. They estimated it. They estimated at almost $350.00. Okay, it's winter, we have oil heat, obviously no AC running. WTF?? Who comes up with these figures? Two months ago they estimated it at $80. Hello morons!

And they say they estimated because of a dog in the yard. Hmm, lets try knocking on the door.

Waiting on a call right now to demand a correct reading.

growing up

2010-01-12T10:27:00.002-05:00

My big girl is growing up right before my eyes. Some mornings she wakes and I swear she is taller than the day before. Today, she did change before us. I want to make the time just stand still. I want to bottle this time and hold for dear life. We are blessed to have such a great kid in her. Mama just needs to realize that she can't stay little forever.

Was this on your resolution list?

2010-01-11T14:11:00.002-05:00

To help out the community, volunteer, get involved?

Here is an easy way to do something simple while really giving to the community. Aeropostale will give you 25% off a new pair of jeans when you bring in an old pair to donate to Teens for Jeans. The donated jeans will go to homeless teens! Last year Teens for Jeans collected over 200,000 pairs of jeans!

What a way to get your kids involved in helping out the community. We will definitely be weeding out our drawers and bringing them over to Aeropostale!

Idiots Abound

2010-01-11T11:49:00.003-05:00

And I am amongst their ranks.

Last night I remember some really cute things my girls used to like when they were little. I did a quick google for magnetic paper dolls. Came across stuff by Meliss and Doug. I had totally forgotten about Melissa and Doug!

Next, I jump on ebay, find the them. Oh the babies are going to love these gifts! Woohoo. Then the wooden take along tool set, score! And what else would be great from Melissa and Doug? Wooden food, of course!! STOKED, and all from one seller. That must save me a ton in shipping, right??

BUY IT NOW! Pay right now. Done!

My next move is something you should NEVER do AFTER placing your ebay order. I google Melissa and Doug. Up pops their website.. cheaper, and free shipping on orders over $75.00. That means for the price I paid for the items and the shipping on ebay, I could have gotten at least FOUR MORE ITEMS at the same cost if I had just gone directly to the Melissa and Doug website.

Now I consider myself a fairly savvy internet shopper. WTH was my savviness, and my brain cells for that matter, last night??? I'm kicking myself over and over and over.

Lemons and bloodymarys

2010-01-11T08:56:00.005-05:00

That was our weekend. Concert cancelled on our end this time due to K being sick. I can't say I'm a bit disappointed. Not at all!

K laid in bed most of Saturday, which meant I sat on the comfy couch most of Saturday. Lit a fire, watched some good, and some not so good, football games. Made bloodymarys, ate comfort food and relaxed. No rush down to AC in the freezing cold. No late night drive back with drunken lunatics. Nope, I think I feel more relieved.

Yesterday, K and I worked together, as his car was getting work done. It was sooo nice having a companion with me. And to boot, I only had to drive, K did the "leg" work. Conversation is bliss when you are used to be stuck in the car 7 days a week alone. He didn't even complain once about the Mamma Mia soundtrack playing.

Got home, another fire, some almost great football. And back on the big, comfy couch.

Others may say boring, I say weekend Two Thumbs Up!

If I had balls..

2010-01-10T08:30:00.004-05:00

My balls' balls would be frozen. Baby it's cold outside! I'm printing up work getting ready to spread foreclosure and cheer throughout the county. Hopefully the bitter cold will make my visits short, and with little arguement. It's too cold to be standing on someone's porch explaining that yes, when you don't pay your mortgage for a few months they do actually send someone out with foreclosure notices. Don't want to be the one to do it, but it's my job. And when it comes down to it, it makes the difference between paying my mortgage or having someone pay a visit to me. It isn't pleasant, but a mama has to do what a mama has to do.

Now hopefully I'll find my gloves and hat. I'm looking forward to forming ice crystals on my fingertips. Makes it shite for writing.

So we've talked..

2010-01-09T13:07:00.003-05:00

Rob Thomas before, correct? Tonight is finally the night. I've been upset because it's also going to be a great day for football. Then K woke up sick. Doesn't know if he is going or not. I't 1pm, we need to leave around 5. He's still in bed. Now I'm sad for not going.

Don't have anyone else to go with. And really, I don't want to go with anyone else. I was thinking of taking O, she loves him, but I don't know if she can go because it's at a casino.

Looks like football is going to win out.

Thankful for 5

2010-01-09T11:13:00.004-05:00

1. T having a group of girls to go to the dance with last night

2. Rob Thomas tonight, I need a break I think!

3. winter coat

4. J watching the girls

5. My Bean for just being the Bean.

wedding kiss

2010-01-08T13:16:00.002-05:00

wedding kiss
Originally uploaded by Kimmber

I'm uploading my photos to my flickr account... it takes forever.

So I start browsing through my albums and came across 'our wedding."

We didn't have a wedding. It was just K & me, my mom & S. It was such a non event that J even decided to go swimming instead. We'd had license for months. K had a Tuesday morning off on vacation. Rolled over in the morning, asked him if he wanted to go that day. Sounded good. We'd been together for 6 years. Getting married was the plan. The wedding was always the issue.

Looking back at this photo, one of very few, I get that same lump in my throat. The same tears in my eyes. I love him so much more now than I even thought possible. I wouldn't live a day without him. I've been blessed by God with this best friend that I'm lucky enough to call my husband.

Okay, tearfest over, back to uploading.

HANDBOOK 2010

2010-01-08T12:20:00.002-05:00

Stolen from a friend. Bolded are my personal faves.
HANDBOOK 2010

Health:

1. Drink plenty of water.
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants..
4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy
5. Make time to pray.
6. Play more games
7. Read more books than you did in 2009.
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day
9. Sleep for 7 hours.
10. Take a 10-30 minutes walk daily. And while you walk, smile.

Personality:

11. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
12. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
13. Don't over do. Keep your limits.
14. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
15. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.
16. Dream more while you are awake
17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need..
18. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with His/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
20. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and laugh more.
24. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree...

Society:

25. Call your family often.
26. Each day give something good to others.
27. Forgive everyone for everything..
28. Spend time w/ people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
30. What other people think of you is none of your business.
31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

Life:
32. Do the right thing!
33. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
34. GOD heals everything.
35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change..
36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
37. The best is yet to come..
38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.
39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.

The bad daughter..

2010-01-08T11:04:00.003-05:00

I always hear women talk about their relationships with their mothers. Most are really great. They have bonds like no other. I feel that for my daughters. Amazingly so.

For my mom and me, not so much. I don't really think it was ever there. Yes, we love each other, but there is always a bit of a distance. It's stilted. Can't really explain it. I've always felt just a bit removed from my family, different. They always felt it too, mocking me many times for me thinking I'm "better" than them. I never felt better than them, not at all. Just didn't feel I was "one" of them.

I was my Dad's daughter. We were the strangers in the crazy house. We were never like them. My dad has passed, but I'm still not like them. I love them all, I do. But I'm still waiting on my true birth mother to come find me!

As for why I'm thinking about this now, just got off the phone with Mom. She came up before Thanksgiving to spend the holidays with us. She was here until Monday of last week when I took her and the girls up to my bros to spend a few days. She has been there since. The plan was my sister-in-law was to bring her back today. Called her this AM and she let me know she will be staying up at SIL's until my bro gets back from Indiana, almost 3 more weeks. I hung up and breathed a sigh of relief. I didn't realizing how much I was not looking forward to her return until she said the words in the back of mind I was hoping to hear.

Then I felt like shit for feeling relieved. And even worse when I was immediately trying to calculate what date that was... and what would be the closest acceptable date from that date for her flight back home to Florida. I wish I had the burning desire to spend time with my mother. I just don't. Small doses is all I can handle before I go batshit crazy. I hope my daughters never feel that way about me. God knows, my sons already do. But that there is a whole other post.

Thankful for 5

2010-01-08T08:25:00.004-05:00

1. the quietness that has over taken the house since the school buses drove away.

2. the man at Wawa that held the door for me yesterday 2 times.

3. my comfy blankie and my comfy cozy couch

4. still having our Ginger girl around.

5. not enough snow for school to be delayed or cancelled!

a year ago today..

2010-01-08T08:24:00.002-05:00

I was anxiously awaiting the arrival of my best friend from Florida. I wish it was last year right now! I want a do over. I miss her!

Thankful for 5

2010-01-06T09:48:00.003-05:00

1. The holidays being OVER. Can't wait to de-Christmas my house. We had a great time, but happy to be moving on.

2. NYE with my hubby. Even if we didn't enjoy it all that much just being us and going out, I am thankful for the opportunity.

3. The few days kidfree and for my bro and family for making that possible.

4. Credit card, card troubles for K and again. Window won't close, brrr, but at least it's fixable.

5. The ability to make change. Even if I chose not to, I do possess the strength to do so if necessary, this in regards to taking control of my health. It's right there for me to pursue, just have to do it.

I have to admit...

2010-01-06T08:40:00.003-05:00

I only just bought Rob Thomas' new CD. And welllll, I don't really like it! There I said it. For all my two readers to read! I mean I like a few of the songs, but overall, meh. Almost less than meh. I'm disappointed with myself that I can't force myself to like it.

Been so excited for this concert.. and now, I'm thinking of not even going. It's Saturday night. I did just cancel our hotel reservations. Not wasting that money. But we can drive home. No biggy. Don't know if I can pull the trigger and sell and/or give away our tickets.

I mean, I know he'll play other music besides off other cds. If we go, that is surely what I will be banking. This has been the longest build up to a show that seems not supposed to be.

humbled

2010-01-05T20:52:00.003-05:00

Anyone that knows me knows I'm an internet junky. I started going online about 12-13 years ago looking for ADHD support. Then after that, for support from parents of cancer kids. Then onto pregnancy/mothering boards.

When I found out I was pregnant with O, I joined many boards. One stuck. 10 years later, I'm still posting there with many of my same "friends" from 10 years ago, and many who have joined since.

Before Christmas I was having a desperate time finding some of the gifts that were on O's must have list. So, who did I turn to? My girls, my internet best friends. One friend immediately gave me a link to where I could get one gift. Another friend went shopping and mailed me the gift for O, from Ohio. A woman I have never "met" face to face.

Fast forward to today. I was asking which lens to get for my camera that my hubby got me for Christmas. Of course my friends already knew I was drooling over this camera way before Christmas and we'd had a long convo about it. So, I get a PM today. What does it say? Don't buy the lens. She has one in her closet that she hasn't been able to use. What does she ask for it in return? Nothing!

Some days I don't even get a smile, a glance, anything from people in my "real" world. I feel like crap. Beat up after a long day of going through my daily routine. Then I go online and I'm humbled by the kindness and generosity that surrounds me with my online family. They are my "real" world, I'd dare anyone to tell me otherwise.

New Years resolution time

2009-12-17T05:47:00.003-05:00

New Years Resolution anyone? Last year I quit smoking. I'm proud to say I am soon to be 1 year smoke free, hopefully to be a lifetime.

This year I must continue on the health trend and get back to the gym. I know i know, it's everyone resolution. I do know I can do it. Just gotta make it through the door again. I will.

Another on my list is working on my patience. I have none. It frustrates me and my family. Being a drill sergeant mama is not fun for anyone Really need to figure that out.

My last one is continuing on forgiving. K and I wasted so much time harboring a grudge. It ate at us day in and day out. Letting it go was the healthiest thing we did last year. So what we need to keep doing is not over analyzing and keep accepting. The phrase "it is what it is", stupid as it may be, is very fitting. We tend to drive ouselves crazy thinking things to death. It's hard not to do. We are much happier when we let that go. We have to continue with this to keep us sane. We can't change people, but we can change how they affect us.

Cancelled concert equals a fantastic night...

2009-11-08T21:04:00.011-05:00

Few months back we bought Tix to see Rob Thomas at the Borgata. Was stoked and really looking forward to the night out. Rooms there are outrageous, so we decided to reserve a room across the street at Trump Marina.. we did this last minute on Wednesday. Come 7pm Thursday night, get 3 emails informing me the concert has been postponed. BUMMMMMER! So I figure, no biggie, I'll cancel and make reservations for Dec when the show will be. Wrong! I prepaid for the room through Expedia. Was too late to cancel due to hotel/Expedia rules.

So now here are, no show, stuck with hotel with no way out. So we wing it. We head down to Atlantic City. Check in quick/easy, room decent, view spectacular. Hotel??? Whoooaa, land of the living dead puts it mildly. Lets just say, I'm 37, husband is 40. No, we aren't the hippest or the youngest, but man, this place was a senior citizen center. Room was nice size with a gorgeous view. Nicer if they cleaned the outside of them. Bathroom was nice but water wouldn't drain from sink or tub. Yuck. They have one "lounge" which is a little bar right in front of the hotel check in. The bartenders were amicable and the prices reasonable, but there was barely a pulse.

We left to scour out food and living people. Being we were in AC, we wanted to try The Whitehouse Sub Shop. They are famous for cheese steaks and Italian subs. I will say, we were NOT disappointed. I got a cheese steak with onions and K got the same with mushrooms. We each got a 1/2, which would be a whole any place else.. we could have eaten more it was soo good. Should have taken a pic! Next trip, bringing the girls.. they love a good Italian.

After that, it was over to the Borgata. My opinion, very pretty.. but just meh. Not getting the hype. Now, I admit, we didn't head over to The Water Club, so that may have changed my opinion. None of the clubs were open yet. We did walk into the B Bar.. I liked it, not my husbands scene. He wanted to cozy up to the bar, not sit on coaches in cigar smoke. And overall the smell of smoke is what I remember most about the Borgata. YUCK!!! I did play some video poker, walked out with $20 and considered that enough gambling for me. If we weren't going back in December for Rob Thomas, I probably wouldn't go back there. So we milled and milled.. then decided just to head back to the Marina. Or I should say, I was sick of walking in circles and figured if all we are going to do is sit a bar, I'd choose the cheaper one! So... back we went to no man's land.

So we sat, had a few drinks, eyed the club in the back hoping it would open soon and people would show up. It was called The Wave , a well it should have been called the trickle! We realized it was open the whole time. It's occupants consisted of 1 bartender, 1 dj, 1 cocktail waitress and ZERO patrons. Really, really sad. I would not want to be the people employed there. Around midnight, yes midnight, I finally convinced my hubby that we had to find something else to do. I was NOT going to bed. I even entertained the thought of going upstairs to Hooters. If you know me at all, you know that is NOT my thing. But desperate times being what they were, we headed upstairs... to find ONE table with people. Just unreal. I cannot believe Trump is just letting this establishment lanquish like this. We walked around the whole place. Restaurant, after GORGEOUS restaurant all set up but closed. Insanity!!

So we hopped a jitney and hopped out at the first stop. HARRAH'S, HOORAY for HARRAH's!! Just walking through the doors you could immediately sense a different vibe. And hear music, LIVE music coming for their Sapphire Bar. We had a BLAST there. Dance and dance until the music stopped playing.. which I have no idea what time that was. The bar was so neat. There were ice patches all around the bartop for you to set you drink on to keep it cold. Very neat we will be back for sure.

After our dancing shoes were worn out we ambled out of there and decided to look around the place. We stumbled upon The Pool After Dark. Holy mother of God, who conceptualizes this stuff?? It was awesome!! Pool, cabanas, hot tubs, palm trees.. neon lights, life guards, dj... insanity! And I'm glad we were feeling no pain when we got there so that we weren't intimidated. We had the time of our lives. In the words of my son, "It was sick!!" Felt like we were partying like rock stars, can't wait to do it again. ... while I still have a few good years left in me!
We will be heading back there, and maybe even with the girls. On their 4th floor they have a whole family center that offers a children's pool, arcade, etc.. they'd love it. IF I brought a sitter, we could hit the adult pool later! Win-win.

On last note on the Marina, their bads, comfortable as hell. Our heads hit the pillow at 5/6am and we didn't move again until after 11.

So many things on the list

2009-11-06T09:37:00.004-05:00

to blog about. I'm never going to get to them on. I'm BLOG FAIL.

S's 21st birthday was Sept 19. We took him out for dinner at Benihani. Gave him $150 towards a room in AC. He opted not to go. At midnight, K & I met him and E at a local pub to ring in turning 21. It was a nice time and we were honored that he chose to ring in his 21st with his old parents rather than his friends.

We have or ups and downs in our relationship, but we love him so much. Wish him so much less stress. Whatever makes him happy.

Volleyball began and ended at school for T. She did really well! Was so proud of her for giving it her all. Hopefully will carry over to next year!! She also does flag twirling, had her first parade on Halloween. SOOOO cute!

Girls had off this week. They are climbing the walls and about ready to put me into a straight jacket! ROLL ON MONDAY!

Was supposed to got to Rob Thomas tonight. Canceled. Stinks because we decided on Wed to book a room at the Marina, across from the Borgata and spend the night. Reserved 100% through expedia. Found out 7pm and the cancellation. Can't cancel room. so now have to go to AC and hang. Neither of us are up to it either. Time of the month for me, and K just isn't interested. Not to mention, it is never cheap. But, we'll go even if just to hang in our room! Quiet might be good. Now if I didn't have my damn period, my thoughts on this night out might be different. Oh well, what are you gonna do????

Thankful for 5

2009-11-06T09:31:00.002-05:00

1. The internet! Some days my friends in the box are who keep me sane.

2. My mom having a friend in Florida, a very good friend.

3. My job, even when I hate it. Would love to be a single income family, but that isn't possible.

4. Ginger still around.

5. Daughters. Everyone mother needs a daughter. I'm blessed to have 2.

And one day it happens..

2009-10-16T21:55:00.005-04:00

This was her rocker chic costume...

the tiny, or not so tiny, baby girl you could hold in the crook of your arm , ventures out to her 1st school dance. And a little piece of your heart steps out of the car and through the school doors with her.

T had her 1st dance at school tonight, Halloween for all the grades. Our school is 5 years old and this is the first time they've had a dance where they let all 3 grades attend. T was beyond thrilled that the student council pushed for this and got it! Dance/games/sports is how it's set up. Disco ball, dj dark room dancing, games in the hall and sports in the gym. T took part in all of it and said she had "the best night ever!" I was, and am, thrilled!

Each day our little girl grows just a bit more. For everyday we had of tears over the last 6 years, we are now starting to see the smiles. Seeing her turn into the great kid at school that she is at home, well I just can't explain how that feels for us.

Seems our little girl is officially a tween. LOL.

(the makeup was part of the costume, and ONLY for tonight!)

DeWolfs & Emerys

2009-10-16T08:08:00.016-04:00

One of our favorite traditions is trekking out to the pumpkin farms and finding the perfect pumpkin. This year we found a few. They say because of the Spring rains we had that the pumpkin farmers really took a hit. Most places are importing them to sell. We wanted to make sure we supporter a local grower. So off to DeWolf's and Emery's this weekend we went.

The weather was perfect! We got to both farms right before the crowds rolled in. We did find a few great pumpkins at DeWolfs. At Emerys, O.M.G., we found the most delicious pies we have ever eaten. Also found a few pounds after eating them!! If you are in the area, don't miss out on their pies for the holidays!

So you get this email reply from your husband:

2009-10-15T21:52:00.004-04:00

"That's women's work, don't ever email this stuff again."

Wife's reply:
"If you stop acting like you have a vagina, I'll stop treating you like you have a vagina!"

First email in reply to the grocery list you sent him to pick up at Costco. You reply, laugh and go about your day. You know your husband, you know this is a joke, he knows your reply is. This is Friday 5:30, when your husband is in Costco and has his Blackberry.

Fast Forward to Monday, phone call: "Kim, when did you email this email to me about the groceries?"

"Hmm, Friday, when you were at Costco."

"I never got this. I must have left my email opened in my office at work. Someone else replied."

1. How do you feel as the wife?

2. How do you feel as the guy whose coworker had to have gone through all of his emails (2000+ on a given day) to find my this email and reply TO YOUR WIFE?

3. What do you, as the worker, do?

As much as I love Summer..

2009-10-15T08:35:00.003-04:00

is as much as I love Fall. The smells just bring me right back to childhood. If I close my eyes I see the big tree on the side of the house with the huge pile of leaves on the ground. I can hear kids laughing as we all jump, over and over, into the leaves like they were a feather bed. When I smell the fireplaces burning I go right back to trick o' treating with my friends and family. It's magical.

I love pulling out sweaters and wearing boots. (note to self, need boots and sweaters!). I love seeing all the trees exploding in color. Nice enough out to wear just a sweatshirt, but chilly enough to have to put the flip flops away.

Then the pumpkin farms, we LOVE pumpkin farms and are blessed to live by so many. Our trip this year will be in another post. The 2nd thing we love about the pumpkin farm, the PIES. OMG, the pies! More about the pies on our pumpkin farm post. lol.

What I don't love about Fall, as quick as it comes, the colors, the smells, the leaves... is as quick as it goes. Hoping we don't get the nor'eastors they are predicting, they always wipe fall out even faster. Off today to work and soak up some of the last fall weather.

Thankful for 5

2009-10-15T07:39:00.004-04:00

1. the kids costumes picked out and bought.

2. WORK, I grumble, but money is always good.

3. If I didn't say it last time, T's teachers. Just couldn't be happier.

4. a nice time out with S & E. Glad she invited. Had fun.

5. coffee with S and T. S and I may not agree 100% all the time on what's right and wrong for the kids, when we can put that aside it's nice. And T, well, I just love her!

Volleyball at rec

2009-10-08T07:54:00.003-04:00

Success! Great program to build on skills. There were only 8 kids total and 2 instructors. The program is 1 1/2 hrs once a week until Dec 16. Last night they focused on skills first; then spent the majority of the time playing. Every person got a minimum of serves to really work on getting better. T did really well, it will definitely help her develop her skills.

It is a drop and go thing, but I wanted to get back early to see her play. She absolutely hates when we don't watch. L was home working on a project and I had to bring her back glue. M.I.S.T.A.K.E.! She, of course, wanted to go back with me to watch T and pick her up. That was a NO because she had to finish her project. So I left with a kick and screaming kid at the door. And if you know L at all, you know that wasn't pretty.

Even less pretty was K, he was PO'd because I left her with him like that. He was on the phone with his mom and had to cut the convo short. Hell, if our neighbors were on their phones they would have had to hang up! Oh well. Half a night of success.

Back to normal

2009-10-06T21:00:00.003-04:00

All the germs have gone, just a raspy voice left behind. Otherwise, we are all germ free.

First night of basketball was tonight. One thumb up from L, One thumb down from T. We'll be back next week. Lots of great exercise and FUN. Even if it's forced fun, it's fun. Certainly not as entertaining as text messaging, lol, but she will survive. :)

T does love her volleyball at school though. Being part of a team is something she is thoroughly enjoying, and I'm enjoying watching. She's not bad either! Her serve is pretty good, and getting better every practice. Tomorrow night she starts vball through the rec department, so that will help too.

As for everyone else, school, work, looking for work, it's all good.

Kind of a posting just to post post here. Maybe I'll write later when I can string a full thought together.

Sneeze into your

2009-09-29T20:52:00.003-04:00

elbow! WTH is so difficult about that concept?!? My hubby, youngest son, and oldest daughter just can't wrap their nose around it! And now, surprise suprise, L and I are both getting sick too. The two elbow sneezing, handwashing nuts. Ugh, I don't like being sick. If only my sickies could keep their germs off my puter, off my phone... off ALL of my stuff!!!

....diving back into my box of antiviral tissues and purell...

Care to share some wine with my whine?

2009-09-28T20:29:00.004-04:00

So let's see, I posted about trying to hunt down soccer for L. Not going to happen. Teams are full, and that will also carry over until Spring. Day late and a $ short, as usual. The parks program came out, they have a few good programs. One being basketball and one tennis. T is signed up for volleyball.

So go in, basketball full. Tennis open, but it's only 4 weeks, 2 of which we couldn't make. We'll wait for that until Spring. L and T first two on the wait list for bball. Tell K, he's oh so sad. @@. But at least he pretended he was disappointed.

Fast forward to today. Phone rings, it's the rec department, they have the spots for us. The girls and I psyched! I go straight over and sign them up. Tonight I tell K. Now I already know he is never over the moon about us having anything scheduled. But also know sometimes you just have to suck it up. L's weight isn't going down by watching tv with her. I do not want her to have the same battle I have. We've discussed this. Discussed how we have got to get these girls active. Always is a positive conversation. Then when I put the conversation into a plan, never goes over well. I get the, "And how are they going to do that? When is it?"

I didn't even bother to say where, it's irrelevant. I will be doing the shuffle on my own. I knew that when I wrote the check out. I've been doing it for 2 years with ice skating. Did it for 5 years with dance. I got it, being tired sucks. Working all day sucks. Driving all over kingdom come sucks. But you do what you gotta do. We dropped the ball with the boys on sports because of this. And because I was too immature to just do it myself. I needed to have my hand held then. I don't now.

So starting next week, we have Tuesday Bball, Wednesday possible vball at school, then vball at rec, Thursday vball at school and swim at gym, Fri vball game. The following week add in ice skating on Mon. All the night stuff is for fun, no games, no extra practice, no fund raisers. Nothing. The ONLY requirement, drop off and pick up. Is it that bad?? We get the same reaction when we say we want to do something like go into the city. And then if he does come with us, well it isn't always pretty.

Okay, I had to vent. I'm breathing. It is what it is. My husband is a wonderful father, he just doesn't get extra curriculars at all. The girls will go. They will have fun. And if they are overwhelmed, we will cut back as needed. But for right now, they are CRAVING activity. And I will drive from here to China to make sure they can at least give it a try.

Again, I love my husband. Just sometimes I'd love him more with my size 8 1/2 firmly up his behind!

ETA: basketball ended up being a drop off/pick up situation. No room, nor want, for all the parents to stay. We are going to drop the kids off, hit the gym, then pick them up together. I <3 a good compromise. See, he isn't really 100% ogre, just 99.9!

The Beach

2009-09-28T09:03:00.008-04:00

I have Jersey sand in my shoes. Living away from the beach has never been an option. The further I've lived away from it was our time in Cali. Even then before we moved I had K make the trek from where we would be living to the beach to make sure it was doable. It was, and for 3 months, Cali sand replaced Jersey.. but only for 3 months.

Weeks could go by that we don't make it to the ocean, but it's there. Always an option. Can't imagine ever being away from here again.

Kicking Out Cancer

2009-09-25T14:23:00.005-04:00

Yep, that is what my friend and her family have signed up to do. They are doing the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure. She, her husband, and her kids will all be walking to raise money for the race. Help them Kick Out Cancer!